IP is over the quota
IP is over the quota
I just finished reading Ann Fessler's The Girls Who Went Away. Her book is about women who placed children for adoption post-WW II up until the passage of Roe v. Wade in 1973. She traveled the country interviewing, meeting and recording their stories. For many, that interview marked the first time they had ever revealed their adoption experience.
As a counselor and birthmother, I have spoken both publicly and privately on this topic for the past 10 years. It never ceases to amaze me that when you throw out the word "adoption" in a room, you can just see the ripples. While dealing with the aftereffects of my own adoption in 1987, I had no idea how bad it had been for so many women. The stories Ms. Fessler included were astonishing.
Out of all the stories and research, I think the thing that struck me the most was the shame of it all. My parents claimed they loved me, yet when it came to such a pivotal time in my life and my development and my health, they rejected me. For so long the line "this is what's best for you" made me question if it wasn't the best thing for them.
It was the same for the women in the book. They were just sent away to deliver, then expected to resume life as normal, as if nothing ever happened.
Though decades later, that was my experience. When I came home, my family moved across the country, bought a business and got on with life. And while I understand that 'getting on with life' means getting up every day and putting one foot in front of the other, I was given no room to grieve, no place to deal with my loss and allowed no words to try and tell what was going on inside of me. I was not allowed to talk about it. And it wasn't until five years later that I finally did.
But when I did finally start talking about my experience and all the thoughts and feelings surrounding it, I couldn't stop. The only way I've been able to get through the loss and grief and all of it is through talking and sharing and writing and speaking. To be silenced by the shame must be awful!
I think my mom would be more comfortable if I would stop talking, to be honest. I love her and we have spent many years building our relationship, but this is a subject we just don't talk about. It's kind of awkward for me since this is what I speak about, write about and can't shut up about.
I applaud Ms. Fessler's efforts in making the effort to tell so many women's stories. Her time and listening ear have relieved those women of carrying that burden alone like they have done for decades.
Birthmother and family therapist Terri Gake's book, Heart of a Birthmom, was released earlier this year. She has been speaking on her own unplanned pregnancy and adoption experience for 10 years. She holds a bachelor's degree in psychology and a master's degree in marriage and family therapy. Ms. Gake's experience includes both staff and volunteer positions at two local pregnancy resource centers as well as her home church. Her past positions include live-in houseparent, development staff, client advocate, board member, Bridges team member and Director of Client Care.
Her professional experience also includes in-home therapy with children and families, crisis counseling, counseling with families involved with social services and an internship in drug and alcohol counseling.
Connect with Terri on Facebook, BirthMom Buds or http://TerriGake.com/.
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